Why Suffering Feels Safer Than Change

Many thousands of years ago, there were warriors whose sole responsibility was to defend their king and protect their towns and cities.

In those times, invasion was always a threat. New rulers were constantly trying to take land by force. The survival of entire communities depended on the strength of these warriors.

They had to be at their best — physically, mentally, and emotionally.

Doubt was not an option.

If a warrior doubted his strength or his ability to win, defeat would follow. And defeat meant devastation. Women would be harmed or killed. Children would suffer unimaginable fates. Everything rested on the defenders fighting their best fight.

While these warriors trained relentlessly, their true strength did not come from their bodies alone.

It came from their minds and their hearts.

They understood something deeply: no matter how difficult the battle, they had to remain clear, resilient, and focused. Even in the face of fear, trauma, and loss, they could not allow weakness to take hold in their thoughts.

Before battle, they would speak openly about their fears — not to dwell on them, but to release them.

They would discuss what might go wrong, and then, together, they would dismantle those thoughts. They reminded one another of their strength, their unity, and their creative power.

They refused to imagine defeat.

They believed that to dwell on failure was to invite it.

And so, they developed an unbreakable mindset. They fought with absolute conviction — not just for themselves, but for everyone who depended on them.

---

Fortius and the Story That Held Him Back

Among these warriors was a man named Fortius.

Fortius was strong. Skilled. Loyal.

But he carried deep sadness.

Years earlier, he had lost his wife to illness. Since then, grief had become his identity. He spoke of her often. He retold the story of his loss to anyone who would listen.

Even in moments of victory, Fortius remained heavy and withdrawn.

One day, he went to see the village shaman.

She listened quietly as he spoke — recounting his love, his memories, his pain, his loss. He told the story the same way he always had, reliving every detail.

When he finished, the shaman remained silent.

The silence was uncomfortable.

Fortius wanted to fill it with words — to hide inside his grief — but this time, there was nowhere to hide.

Finally, the shaman spoke.

“What if,” she said, “you could let go of this story and create a new one?”

Fortius resisted immediately.

“But everyone knows me as the man who lost his wife,” he said. “It’s who I am. If I stop being sad, who will I be? People won’t recognise me.”

The shaman looked at him gently.

“They will recognise you,” she said. “But as someone new.”

She continued:

“They will say, ‘Look at him. He once lived in sorrow, and now he lives fully.’ He no longer talks only of grief. He talks about the battles he will fight, the adventures he will go on, the places he will explore.”

“He speaks of training, of ships he will sail, of rewards earned through courage and effort. He excites people with his future instead of anchoring them to his past.”

“You are not your grief,” she said. “You are not your injuries. You are not what happened to you.”

“These are old stories.”

“And your job,” she told him, “is to create new ones.”

---

The Fear of Letting Go

Fortius paused.

Part of him liked the idea.

But another part was afraid.

He admitted the truth: “I would rather suffer in a familiar pain than step into the unknown without an identity.”

The shaman nodded.

“You believe suffering is comfortable,” she said. “But it’s only familiar — not safe.”

“You think people expect you to be sad. But they don’t. They’ve simply grown tired of the same story.”

“Those who truly care about you want to see you rise.”

“They are waiting for a new version of you — like a phoenix rising from the ashes.”

“When your life comes to an end,” she said softly, “they will not tell stories of how long you suffered.”

“They will tell stories of how you lived.”

“They will speak of your courage. Your adventures. Your recovery. Your joy.”

“People don’t want to feel sorry for you. They want to feel inspired by you.”

---

Your Story Is Not Fixed

The shaman’s final words stayed with Fortius:

“Let go of the story that no longer serves you.”

“Release the identity built on pain.”

“Create a new story — one of growth, love, strength, and second chances.”

“You are not defined by what you lost.”

“You are defined by what you choose to create next.”

Life is not a punishment.

It is a playground.

And the story you keep telling — about who you are, what happened to you, and what’s possible for you — is shaping the life you live.

If you want a different life, start with a different story.

I would love you to take a moment to subscribe to receive all my post. I would also love you to leave a brief comment on if this resonates with you. Finally, please share this with someone you think it will help. Lets create a world with less suffering together.

This May, I’m inviting a small, intimate group to join me on a deeply transformative journey into Africa — an experience that goes far beyond the typical safari or tourist itinerary.

This is not about rushing from place to place or ticking destinations off a list.

It’s about presence, purpose, and connection.

Click here to find out more.

Here is a video that gives you more information.

Here are some other stories: