Unpicking The Reasons For My Failures

I don't believe that I'm likable because my perception was my family didn't even like me when I was growing up. I made up a belief that they can love me but not necessarily like me.

Therefore I subconsciously reject love and like from others. So for example, I don't get much engagement on social media because my subconscious knows that deep down I am rejecting attention.

I had a saying when I was growing up. I want to be left alone to live and die as quickly and painlessly as possible .

I don't want to be seen. I want to hide away because I don't understand the world. It confuses me.

I don't know how to play the game of life. Therefore I have no self-confidence or self-worth. I'm not special. Not good enough.

But one part of me knows that I have a lot to offer the world. I have learnt so much about myself through the work I have done. I can help so many others who have had a similar journey to me. I can help people thrive and be the best versions of themselves.

But my belief system holds me back because it is always in the background. Changing the narrative and feeding my ego with ammunition to keep me small and insignificant.

I'm used to being beaten down, mentally and physically. Both at school and at home. I'm used to suffering as an athlete, day in and day out with little reward apart from being exhausted which quietens my mind.

My exhausted body and painful muscles make me feel worthy and validated. Am I good enough now dad. I've worked hard. 

Even to this day, I struggle to walk for 3 days after every leg session at the gym. It gives me a sense of satisfaction. It I'm not in pain then I'm back to not being worthy.

My father was always pushing me to be doing something. Working hard beyond my natural ability. So this carried on for a lifetime. I can't stop. I can't rest. Running constantly from a self-belief system that sabotages me.

That won't allow me to have enough money because then I get to play out another belief - I can't afford it. Another belief that has followed my since being a child.

Fed into my subconscious. It's an automatic response to going after what I would love to do. No, you can't do that because you can't afford it.

People who say that if they won the lottery they would give it all away. Do you really think that the universe would make you win millions of pounds or dollars for the sole purpose of giving it away.

Sit for a minute in that place of having just won £143 million. What would you create in your life with this if you couldn't give any of it away.

Would you feel guilt and unworthy of having so much money. You don't have to worry, with that subconscious  belief going on, you'll never win.

We love the idea of it but the reality is very different. We'd love to be famous and recognised but could our ego cope with it. Could our self-limiting beliefs cope with it or would we sabotage it as we see so many famous people doing all the time.

These beliefs are always in the background but seeing them for what they are. Simply learned beliefs that don't serve us. This allows us to take the power away from them and truly go after a life we would love. Without constant fear.

Stepping out of the circle where our life is ruled by our self-limiting beliefs and into another virtual circle where our life is ruled by our heart.

We embrace our greatness and our divinity. We take risks and go for it. There is no fear in our greatness circle and state of mind.