Help Me Save My Family Before It's Too Late

A lot of people in this world struggle form day to day. They have good days and perhaps they enjoy times with their friends. But overall, things are not really going that well.

Your wife may hate you and your kids not talk to you. You have lost your way. The irony is you thought by working hard, it is what your family wanted.

The problem is what they really wanted was your time and presence. There comes a point where your family gives up trying.

Their needs are not being met by you, the father and the husband. And so, they find other ways to fill their time and entertain themselves.

Perhaps you all stay together out of habit rather than love. Perhaps no one has made the first move to go your separate ways. Regardless, the family is not happy and they blame you.

And honestly, they don't actually know you. Sure, they see what you do. They see you work hard and perhaps you spend time with your mates at the pub whenever you can.

They see you arguing and fighting with their mother. They see you shouting at them to do stuff they don't want to do. They see you always working, always on your phone.

They see you always taking business calls when you are supposed to be spending time with them. You're there in the room but you're not there.

They resent you, even hate you. They wish you would leave. They're sick of you taking out your stress on them and their mum. All they want is to know they're loved.

But they should know that, you argue. But they don't know that. Because they need constant reminding. They need to be loved every day, not just once. They need to feel supported.

They want to have fun times and experience joy and happiness. But you are not there for them. You are not providing what they need.

Sure, they get to buy toys and phones and laptops but they would rather not have those things if it meant they had a present father. 

They envy their friends and their families. They see their friend's dad always doing things with them. Taking them away, going camping and exploring. Riding their bikes together.

They're not well off but they have a family bond that your kids wish they had with you. But it's too late now. They have lost trust. They know you will never change.

They know you don't understand them or what they're going through. The stress of their exams, stress of school and trying to be cool. Mum has to do all of it. She is tired and weary.

All she does is complain about you to anyone who will listen. Their friends mums and other friends. It is never ending negative energy. The kids see their mum suffering.

She deserves more. They love her. They want what's best for her. They're starting to think they need a new step dad. Their real dad has tapped out. He will never change.

They don't know what you went through as a child because you never speak to your family about it. It was hard, really hard. But because you never tell them, they have no idea.

They have no understanding or empathy. They just see you, not present and not around. They see your anger and they fear you. Sometimes they hide from you or slip out the back door when you get home.

They're exasperated and you're exasperated. But no one is talking and so everyone remains in the dark. When there is no sharing, no being vulnerable then all they have to go on is what they see in front of them.

And they don't like it. They want more. They deserve more. But you're simply not stepping up. What’s it going to take.

One of their friends dad started to get some help and it made the world of difference to their family. They wish that you would do the same. They wish you would get some help. Talk to someone.

Find a way to be a better dad and a better husband. They wish you would find a way to bring more joy into your life. To be less stressed. To just be nice to be around. To be comfortable around you and not fear you.

They just want a dad. A real dad. They deserve that. But your phone rings and they lose you again. Another deal going wrong or an exciting one on the horizon. It doesn't matter. They have lost you either way.

Everything is a struggle. Their worst fear is growing up to be just like you. Maybe they will have kids just to show you how it should be done. Or perhaps they will never have kids because they fear having their kids having the same childhood as them.

They wish you would get help. You're not getting any younger and someday soon, it will all fall apart. They will leave home, their mum will divorce you.

You will flick from unfulfilling relationship to another unfulfilling relationship. Your kids will hate dad's girlfriend because of their loyalty to their mum. They'll stop talking to you.

You won't even be invited to any of the weddings. You had your chance of having a beautiful, loving family but you blew it. None of them want anything to do with you.

So this is what depression is you discover. You feel lonely and guilty. But instead of facing it, instead of getting any help, you simply bury yourself even deeper into your work.

You complain to your work colleagues how none of your family talk to you. They look at your sorrowfully and then head home to be with their own families.

Leaving you to be at the office by yourself, deep into the night. Lonely and sad and trying to understand where it all went wrong.

You thought that getting a divorce and picking up a younger version of your wife will be amazing. Some of your friends did exactly this. What they didn't tell you is about the pain and guilt and loneliness.

They didn't tell you that by doing all this meant that you had failed at one of the most important jobs you had as a man. You let them down.

Perhaps now is that time to start looking for some help. And start to understand what you can do to repair the damage that you have done to your family.

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