Are you running from your thoughts?
As you lie in bed, awake, your mind racing. What thoughts are you having. What are you thinking about apart from everything? Do your thoughts bring you pain or do you love them.
Do you wake up in the middle of the night, normally 3am and then struggle to get back to sleep. Do your thoughts scare you? Do you find ways to distract yourself in order to stop yourself thinking.
This may be alcohol, watching TV, music, reading and so on. I spent my life using exercise. I would train as hard as I could to wear myself out for then, I was too tired to think. I was calm and relaxed.
However, this meant I over trained a lot. It also hindered my athletic career for it was not about winning but more about making myself tired. It was also about punishing myself rather than trying to win races.
I could actually push myself harder than most but I wasn't rested or fresh enough to actually perform. I remember doing a triathlon once when I was 19 years old.
I had a terrible race, came about 5th where I would normally win my age group. I actually thought I was too old. The reality was that I was exhausted.
When I was forced to rest, my resting heart rate dropped significantly because I wasn't over fatigued and I actually got fitter by resting. However, my brain would start up again.
I did not like my brain or my thoughts that plagued me. However, through the work I have done in the last few years, I am no longer scared of my thoughts.
In fact, I embrace them, I want my thoughts to hit me with whatever they have got, the worst memories for now I can handle them. I know that can deal with them. That is very empowering and liberating.
I still love training hard but I love doing it for the right reasons. I don't do it to simply wear myself out. I monitor all my data carefully and rest when things aren't looking so great.
I have some rest coming up, my Garmin watch told me to rest for 40 hours after my session this evening. I still do lots of low intensity walking.
Movement is so critical for being healthy and actually helps you recover a lot quicker than sitting on the sofa. And I get to see beautiful sunrises and sunsets. It is powerful to understand why you do certain things, like working very long hours.
If you are doing it to support your compensating tendencies then it is not healthy. You can actually still do the same activity but do it for the right reasons .
Do it because you love doing it, not because you are running away from something or trying to distract yourself. Live in the moment, for it is all we really have.
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